I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
