I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
