There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize