when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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