definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
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And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
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Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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