A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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