Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
