Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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