But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
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If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
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I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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