The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize