mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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