Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I could make wine with my vomit
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
