At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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