I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
