I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
