Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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