i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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