I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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