Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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