OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
