I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
