I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
