Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
