Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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