I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
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I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
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My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
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