The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
