We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
