are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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