Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
