I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
