Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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