Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
