can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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