He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
