Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
