I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
