No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
