why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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