You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize