i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
