he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
