Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
