you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
