I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
