Soap is not a condiment
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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