i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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