You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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