Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
