You work out of a Hotel?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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