i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
