if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
