it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
