I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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