I accidentally had phone sex last night
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
