Don't make out with my wife yet
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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