I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
