Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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