I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Do vagina's smell?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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