i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
