she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I have peed in a lot of sinks
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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