Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
