have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
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I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
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I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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