i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
