Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(651): View more from Minnesota

how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?

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(571): View more from Virginia

She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it

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(269): View more from Michigan

So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.

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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Read it at the TFLN blog
(604): View more from British Columbia

I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex

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(541): View more from Oregon

apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...

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(803): View more from South Carolina

My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.

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(785): View more from Kansas

Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!

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