They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
you had me at cake vodka
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
