You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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