"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
