Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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