did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
wakey wakey hands off snakey
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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