Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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