There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
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