You're my little dorito
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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