...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
