So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize