it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Please don't give away my fajitas
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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