Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
