I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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