I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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