Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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