I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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