all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
