I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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